This is one of the handouts from the ACA Afternoon of Recovery Workshop - June 25, 2017 main page.
12 Steps in 12 Minutes
Laundry List Trait _________________________________
Step 6th Survival Trait _________________________________
Step 8 List 1.________________________
Set Aside Prayer:
Please help me set aside everything I think I know about myself, my past, my spiritual path, and especially you.
So I may have an open mind and a new experience of myself, my past, my spiritual path, and you.
Please let me see the truth.
Laundry List of ACA
1 We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.
2 We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.
3 We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.
4 We either become alcoholics, marry them or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.
5 We live life from the viewpoint of victims and we are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.
6 We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc.
7 We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.
8 We became addicted to excitement.
9 We confuse love and pity and tend to "love" people we can "pity" and "rescue."
10 We have "stuffed" our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (Denial).
11 We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.
12 We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.
13 Alcoholism is a family disease; and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink.
14 Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.
"We admitted we were powerless over the effects of alcoholism or other family dysfunction, that our lives had become unmanageable."
Qualification Questions (Yes / No):
-Was there an alcoholic or addict in the family?______
-Was there perfectionism in a parent or in the family?______
-Was your family militaristic?______
-Was there a hypochondriac parent?______
-Was there an emotionally ill parent?______
-Was there sexual abuse?______
-Was there incest?______
-Was there mental illness in a parent?______
-Do you feel there was some other form of family dysfunction present while you were a child?______
REVIEW LAUNDRY LIST of ACA, on Page 3.
-Do you feel that growing up with your family of origin has effected your life in a negative way?______
-Do you feel that the Laundry List Trait that you identified with has effected your life in a negative way?______
-Have you ever tried to change the behavior of your dysfunctional family with no result?______
-Have you ever tried to change the effects or behavior of the Laundry List Trait that you identified with, with no result?______
Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand God.
*Before we start Step 4 & 5. It is important to realize that the more you trust and dig deep on these next 2 steps (Step 4 & 5), the more healing you will experience. We only have a few minutes for these steps, so just focus on being honest and share what you can.
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Going back to the first step, recall the trait that you identified with.
Referring back to the Laundry List Trait you related to in Step 1,
How does this trait interfere in my life today?
How do you identify with this trait?
Are there any memories that are tied to this trait?
What are you feeling when you process this trait?
Open for notes…
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Guidelines for the person sharing:
-Avoid Half Measures
-Work through the pain and fear
-Try to share something you have never shared before
-Be kind to yourself
-Share what you can
Guidelines for the listener:
-Your role is to be a mirror, a mirror of love and compassion
-Look at the person who is about to share, smile at the person, listen to that person, be there for them as you want them to be there for you.
-And when that person’s time is up say
“Thank you for sharing, I appreciate you, and the time we just spent.”
(you are welcome to ad-lib this as well).
Were entirely ready to have / were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Survival Traits associated with Laundry List Trait.
Trait 1. fear of authority figures, isolation, fear of people.
Trait 2. People pleasing.
Trait 3. Fear of angry people, hyper sensitivity.
Trait 4. Addiction, codependency (addiction to the addict).
Trait 5. Living as a victim.
Trait 6. Overdeveloped sense of responsibility…
Trait 7. Guilt, Shame.
Trait 8. Addiction, fear.
Trait 9. Confusing love with pity.
Trait 10. Stuffed feelings.
Trait 11. Judgement, low self esteem.
Trait 12. Dependency on others.
Trait 13. Addiction.
Trait 14. Reactors.
6th Step Prayer
“God give me the willingness”
Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
7th Step Prayer
“God. I am now ready that you should integrate my survival traits, which block me from accepting your divine love. Grant me wholeness.
God, I humbly ask you to integrate my trait of…(insert your survival trait)________________ Amen.”
Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
List of persons you have harmed:
-Are you willing to make amends to yourself, and the harm you have caused yourself?________
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Step 9 Amends:
“ I am involved in a program in which I am learning to change my behavior and to live more honestly and openly. Part of the process involves making amends to people I have harmed with my behavior. I am making amends to you for using _(insert your survival trait from Step 6)______________________.
I want to make it right. I am not making excuses but I have harmed people especially myself based on my lack of knowledge about living.”
“I AM CHANGING MY BEHAVIOR!”
“(Insert First Name)__________________, I forgive you, I accept you exactly the way you are, and I truly do love you.
Continued to take personal inventory and, when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
-Do you promise, to yourself, to do your very best to keep an eye out for this Laundry List and Survival Trait that you identified?____
-Do you promise, to yourself, that when it does pop up in your life to promptly admit it?____
-Do you promise that when it pops up to forgive yourself?____
-Do you promise that when it pops up, and it harms you, or others, that you will make amends to those that have been harmed?____
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understand God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out.
Prayer = Talking to God/Inner Child
Meditation = Listening to God/Inner Child
“Step Eleven is also where we further address our addiction to excitement… Through meditation we learn to quiet our minds and to relax. With meditative techniques, we let go of racing thoughts. We learn to be in the moment and to be present in our bodies… In Step Eleven, we take time out of the day to focus on our spiritual path. We connect with God through our True Self when we find stillness and listen for God’s footstep. Our True Self knows God’s call. The True Self knows the path that our Higher Power takes to the heart. It is the path of love.
Through Step Eleven, we find God’s will and a personal power that we did not know existed. There is real power. We can have it if we make the effort and let our Higher Power lead the way.”
Excerpt from P.164 of The ACA Yellow Steps Workbook.
-Are you willing to make a commitment that when things are off in your life that you communicate where you are, and if needed ask for help within your growing support network?____
-Are you willing to make a commitment that when things are off in your life that you listen to your body and your instincts?____
-Are you willing to make a commitment that when things are off in your life that you listen to the stories within your growing support network to help determine your next indicated action?____
Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others who still suffer, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
ACA Serenity Prayer:
God, Grant me the serenity,
to accept the people I cannot change,
the courage to change the one I can
and the wisdom to know that one is me
KEEP COMING BACK IT WORKS IF YOU WORK IT, AND
WE ARE WORTH IT!!